Perdition
by Fair-Ithil
Summary: What could I do after all? I loved her; still love her, and my love made me blind." After the birth of his first son, Faramir thinks over his marriage and it's less than truthful start. Companion piece to 'A Tale'


Disclaimer: I do not own the LotR...but I will own the EE the moment it's out (anyone else seen the preview?)

A/N: This is a companion piece to _A Tale _which doesn't need to be read in order to understand this one (least I don't think), only from Faramir's POV. Forgive me this was only proof read twice so I probably missed a lot of things. I will come back and correct though. And to anyone who did read _A Tale, _yes Eowyn does love Faramir. Please read and review, no flames please.

_For Arahiril who inspired me to write Faramir's side of the story. _

I watch as Eowyn leans over the side of the crib and tickles the babe's stomach. "I love you." She whispered with delight and Elboron responses with a kick and a gurgle.

Her words ring in my ears even as my heart grows heavy, if only a little bit.

She has spoken those words to our son since the first moment he was laid in her arms, which is more than can be said for her in days gone by. But I do not hold this against my son or wife; for I knew what I was getting into when I married the Lady of the Shield-Arm.

What could I do after all? I loved her; still love her, and my love made me blind. She was my light in my darkest hour.

My distraction, my uncle called her, for he perceived that I made my goal in helping her with her demons so that I would not have to face my own. And perhaps, on some level I will never fully acknowledge, there is some truth to his words, and perhaps I befriended her because she allowed me some rest from the torment of my thoughts, broken fragments riddled with flames and pain. And while motives I have never recognized might be the reason for my love it does not change the fact that I do love her.

But in the end neither of us can be called innocent in this marriage. I married her aware of the fact that she did not love me. I was her _friend_, her trusted companion when she felt she had no one else, one who presented her with the keys out of her cage and willingly place them in her hands.

Yet neither my lady nor I have lied. She never claimed to love me in those first years and I did not claim false motives. She must have heard the whispers however, just as surely as I did.

She was too cold to be in love, I too delusional to believe otherwise.

Perhaps I could have waited, could have given her more time before our marriage to grow to love me, but when I returned to Rohan after almost a year apart everything had already been arranged by our kings and I returned to the White City with a wife that spring. She had missed me as I did her in those empty months, for friend and love alike can be missed. There was a light in her eyes when she spoke of our marriage and her readiness to leave Rohan and see Ithilien.

And when she first laid eyes on our home in the hills she smiled in a way that I had never yet seen and kissed me.

She was happy and that was all that mattered to me. I had seen her transform from the sullen creature in the Houses to the joyful woman who took as much pleasure in her garden as she does in the armory.

Perhaps these thoughts are little more the delusions of a distressing man who makes his own comfort but I have the far seeing eyes of my people and can read the hearts of men and see what even they at times do not see. And there perhaps is my excuse. That I looked into her heart and saw a seed that could grow and bloom into more.

She is a complex creature and her mind and heart are not always clear, though they have settled a great deal in the past few years. The conflict of emotion and intentions has lessened but her guilt remains. And there is my greatest folly, that in using her desire to escape to my advantage, I have caused her great remorse.

Perhaps it is true that the Mighty do not suffer their laws to be broken. For while she now speaks the words she dared not utter before and there is love now where friendship stood alone, I wonder if she does not pay too heavy a price for it. In her lingering doubts and heavy guilt that does not diminish with time.

I long to comfort her, ease her heart but I cannot for it is her self-imposed punishment that she serves for having allowed herself to live a lie, if only for a time.

My own punishment is to watch her from the side, helpless, even in what should be joyous times; my mind is filled with such thoughts.

Elboron coos from his crib as he tries to grab the lock of golden hair that his mother dangles above him. She laughs as he reaches and I cannot begrudge the smile that forms on my face at the sight before me.

My family.

My heart grows light and I walk into the nursery letting its warmth envelope me as I take my place by my wife.

"How do you feel?" I ask concerned that she should not yet be up for the labor was long and hard on her body, and the healers had commanded her to rest.

Her laughter is soft but it echoes in my ears even as I wish to hear the sound again.

"I am well, Faramir. How can I not be?"

My mind lists a thousand reasons.

Elboron begins to cry as he grows weary of the game, and Eowyn offers me a small smile as I reach for my son.

He quiets in my arms and pulls on my hair causing his mother to laugh, fore filling my wish.

Suddenly I cannot help but agree.


End file.
